“I earned my first ever income during the lockdown”
Lockdown 2020 was a very different kind of episode in everyone’s life. Some of us were forced into months of loneliness and struggle while some saw it as a positive experience – an open opportunity to slow things down and to do the things that you never had time for. But no matter how different things played out for everyone, one thing that remained common was that it somehow disrupted everyone’s normal daily life routine. For us, students who spent most of their hours at school, spending an entire year at home was a very different experience. So here’s what I went through during the lockdown last year.
I believe that I have been more fortunate than many in my experience of the pandemic so far. The first few weeks of the lockdown were filled with so much panic and uncertainty that I don’t recall how and when it got over. But eventually, after some time had passed I was able to take it all in and I started preparing for my upcoming board exams as it seemed to be the only thing I could think of doing.
However, after a few weeks, as the situation worsened, we were informed that our exams had been canceled until further notice. For me, that was the most grinding period as the one thing that kept me away from the negativity was cancelled. I had nothing to look forward to. To keep me sane, now I had to figure out how to spend my entire day without being unproductive. I took it as a time for me to reflect on my life and to get to know myself. This process of looking into myself for self-concept clarity made me realize how important it is to know myself, who am I? What am I good at? If it wasn’t for that time of self -learning I would’ve never known the great baker in me or the artist in me.
After a few weeks of total unproductivity, I started helping my mom in the kitchen. I started cooking meals and desserts and that was when I realized how much I loved baking. When I had nothing to do I started watching YouTube videos for recipes and tried them. I started baking cookies and eventually, I actually got good at them. All my life I knew that I wanted to do something that’d make me happy and my parents proud, and this was a great opportunity for me so I started selling my cookies online. I earned my first ever income during the lockdown. All these activities took my mind off the horrific pandemic for some time.
But apart from the time that I spent baking or painting, I felt withdrawn and empty. I felt myself transitioning into someone I never was. I have always been someone who is outspoken and who enjoys being around people and having company. But after spending those few months disconnected from everyone I started becoming introverted. I avoided everyone who tried to contact me. I enjoyed only my company and stayed in my room for hours doing absolutely nothing. I saw my personality change slowly but drastically. I didn’t have much outdoor space to go get some fresh air. I started feeling trapped and lonely. I started getting raged at very small matters and got annoyed easily. I started having anxiety issues. Being at home all day long with just my mom was something I wasn’t prepared for. But despite all these, I tried to stay focused and optimistic. I told myself that this would get over and everything would go back to being as it was before and this positive mindset that I had kept me going.
These unprecedented times likely changed people’s personality traits to a certain degree as we were forced to leave our comfort zone and normal life. Most of us went through both mental and emotional changes. And I believe that the many months of changes to our lifestyle and changes to our routines may have led to changes in our behavior that will stick long after the pandemic has finished. But life is all about evolving and changing with time. No one knows what the future holds but we must try to get through the present in the best possible manner.
(Shiwani Pandey: Student of Kathmandu University.)